For my friends birthday this year we met up at a local rib fest. I was right in the middle of my Whole30 journey and had it in my head what I would eat while I was there. I should have had a snack or even ate dinner at home but I wanted to be with my friends for supper so I waited. The year prior I had seen people wandering around with turkey legs that appeared to be smoked with some seasoning on them. I had it in my mind that this is what I was going to get.. no sugary BBQ sauces for this gal! My friends and I were off to find the Turkey leg vendor and once I opened my take out container I was shocked to see this BBQ sauce smothered turkey leg staring at me. I found myself feeling upset. I was starving and everyone around me was enjoying all the things that I couldn’t. At first I tried to scrape off and pick around the sauce but I eventually just gave up and ate as much as I could. Something happened to me at that moment.. I felt an extreme sense of guilt and was disappointed in myself.
I know it seems a little silly but for me it felt like a huge fail. I was doing so well and was on plan 100% and here it was.. in this moment with a turkey leg I felt defeated. It took me awhile to realize that this is going to be my reality when it comes to food. It may not be the issue with sugar but something else next time. I just need to learn to not be so hard on myself and keep moving forward. One delicious turkey leg smothered in BBQ sauce should not be the thing that defeats me.
This journey has taught me a lot about myself, my relationship with food and how it affects my every day life. So many people feel trapped by food, like they have no control over their choices. I can tell you that I am defiantly an emotional and stress eater and if you knew me outside of internet land you would know exactly why. Over the last few months I have realized that as much as I want to lose weight that isn’t the motivating factor of this journey. It is actually learning how to live a less stressful life so that I can be a happier, healthier person in all aspects.