Where have I been.

I know, I know.. I disappeared again and I am sorry my lovelies. Life took a turn and I can’t even say it was “un-expected” because deep down I knew it was a possibility for a while. It is sad and scary and still hard to believe.

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I rang in the New Year as a single woman for the first time in 14 years. I was able to make it through the evening without too much sadness (wine helped lol) but when the clock struck midnight and all the couples were giving celebratory smooches I felt a little empty inside. It is a huge adjustment trying to get through holidays without a partner, next up is Valentines day which won’t be easy but I already have a plan to soften the blow.

The last three months have been full of stress,worry and sadness with a little bit of hope mixed in. Trying to make sure I can financially survive on my own and keep my boys in the only home any of them really remember put a lot of stress on me. A few weeks of barely eating or sleeping lead to being irritable often and losing weight (not in a good way). I coudln’t even look at food without feeling nauseous or vomitting. Things seem to have settled down and my mind isn’t constantly racing. I am confident that I made the right choice and know there are brighter days ahead!

When you make the choice to end a relationship it doesn’t mean that it was a walk in the park. It is honestly the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. A person can only live in a pretend bubble for so long before it breaks them down and changes them. My ex is a wonderful man in many ways and we remain friends and are amicable for our boys. I wish the best for him.

I will be sharing some of my single mom/ independant woman experiences here on the blog.. not all but some. If my journey helps someone else going through the same thing then I am happy to share it.

 

~Jennifer

 

Beauty Review- Essence Liquid Liner

Today I have an amazing beauty find for you all!

Let me introduce you to the Essence Liquid Liner (waterproof formula). This is one liquid liner you will definitely want to add to your arsenal!

I have heard a few beauty vloggers refer to this liner as a dupe for Stila’s stay all day liquid liner but without the heavy price tag ($29 CAD).

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What I love: Pretty much everything! I have tried many many liquid eyeliners over the last few years and this little baby is definitely up in my top three (just behind Kat Von D’s Tattoo liner). The PRICE! you really can’t go wrong with how affordable this liner is. The quality is amazing, the precision of the felt lip applicator is great and it goes on line a dream.

What I don’t love: I can’t even blame this on the product.. but I have hooded eyes, more so on my right lid than the left and sometimes I notice a bit of transfer later in the day. This really only happens when I’ve been sweating so Im pretty sure it is from the sweat breaking down the liner. Lately I have been doing smaller wings to see if that helps and so far so good.

The price: Are you ready for this??… ONLY $3.49 at Shoppers Drug Mart! I told you it was a steal!

~Jenn

Beauty Review-Nyx Lip Lingerie

Lip Lingerie is NYX cosmetics new weightless liquid lipstick with a lovely matte finish. It is currently available in 12 different shades which means it is easy to find one to fit your skin tone and style!

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Each shade is in the nude family so you won’t find any vibrant reds or crazy pinks but don’t worry there are other products that will fill that void for you!

What I love: The colours I chose work really well with my skin tone. I have never really been a big nude lip fan (on myself) until I found the Lip Lingerie from NYX cosmetics. I also love that it is really long wear. I have tried other brands that have promised long wear but didn’t deliver as well as this product and I don’t think they even promote it as “long wear”.

What I don’t love: It feels drying and takes some getting use to. Definitely not the worst i’ve ever experienced but if you are use to glosses and buttery lipsticks then it will definitely take some getting use to.

Cost: Around $9.00.

~Jenn

*Photo above shows NYX Liquid Lingerie in the colour “Bed Time Flirt”

 

 

I have a high-schooler?

It is hard to believe, but today I escorted my first born to his grade 9 orientation. It is something I just haven’t been able to wrap my head around. I have a high-schooler, a “minor niner” as we called them back in the day.

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I dropped the kid off in the gym with a few hundred other new students and made my way to the”parent cafe”. Here I would learn how great the school is and all the different programs and special events the school offers through out the year. I learned about an amazing art focused program the school has and wondered why my son hadn’t told me about it before (he is a very talented musician and visual artist). I quickly remembered that he didn’t tour the school with the rest of his grade 8 class because he never brought the trip form home for me to sign (typical!). During the school tour I kept looking at the pamphlet and started getting a little emotional. It made me think that today I am in a grade 9 parent information session but in a few short years I will be researching and touring colleges or universities with him. It seems so surreal that his life has gone by so quickly.

Ever since his grade 8 graduation I have been increasingly anxious for him to start high school. I don’t remember it being a very positive experience for me. There was a lot going on in my family life and I just really didn’t care about my grades and just barely scraped by. When I was 17 I dropped out of school and became pregnant with my oldest. I missed out on a lot of what makes high school so amazing. I was never encouraged to try out for teams or clubs and never really given much guidance to navigate through high school successfully. I have had a few conversations about high school over the summer with my son. Everything from making sure he is an active participant in his school (teams/clubs) to peer pressure and letting him know that girlfriends are not an important part of his school life. I try to give him just enough guidance without being a “nag” and I hope that he carries my words with him as he enters this new chapter of his life.

I want to see him be better than I was, and do better than I did. He has so much more potential than I ever did.. and I know he will do great things if he puts his mind to it.

For the record I kept my composure and didn’t cry today.. but I can’t guaruntee there won’t be a tear or two when I see him off next week.

~Jenn

 

I am not a little fish.

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I have been in and out of the blogging world a few times over the last 5 years. My first blog was a family/parenting blog and for the longest time, I loved it. A lot of things happened within our family,health struggles with the kids,stress,etc and I really had nothing positive to write about (at least thats how I felt) so I stopped writing. When things calmed down a bit I decided I wanted to start again, only to discover my domain was sold because it came up for renewal and I never got notified. A few failed attempts with different blogs and here I am with She Lives.

It seems like every time I stepped away from blogging everything changed. New platforms, new apps and tools for blogs, PR companies looking for new stats and a million new “rules” would pop up. I always felt like I was behind the eight ball with everything and starting from scratch things felt almost unattainable. I have always struggled with the thought that I am not “good enough” in the blogging world. I don’t have the numbers, I don’t have the page views.. brands won’t notice me, I’m a small fish. This was my way of thinking before I attended #LetsGoRama and up until a few days ago I still had a tiny bit of this negativity in my head.

How did the retreat change my way of thinking? Well imagine being in a room with over 40 Social media influencers,some you have looked up to and admired,some you didn’t know until moments ago.. but all so friendly and willing to offer help and guidance whenever it was needed. Hearing some of my blogging idols (yes I am a blog fan girl!) telling me that I am enough, my numbers are enough and that I am perfect was a big moment for me and really made me see myself in a new light.

I may still doubt myself from time to time but that is normal. All I have to do is keep on moving forward and focus on where I want to go in my blogging career. Luckily I have a great support group in the community to look to for guidance when I need it.

~Jennifer

*Check back soon for a full post about my experience attending #LetsGoRama at Casino Rama Resort.

DIY Pallet Mug Holder

There are thousands of DIY pallet projects all over the internet. From a simple sign to a bed frame or couch. If you want to you can find instructions on making just about anything from a shipping pallet.

I have been pinning ideas for well over a year and have even had a pallet sitting in my garage for just as long. After seeing a post on a local free/cheap group on Facebook where a woman was offering up some pallets I decided it was about time to do some projects.

These are the supplies we needed to complete the project:

Pallet
Sand Paper
Stain (I chose “Weathered Grey”)
Varathane clear sealer
Hooks (I used 8)
Paint brushes
An old cloth
Crow bar
Letters (or paint if you want to paint them on)
Professional french cleat (to hang it)
Super glue

Luckily for me my hubby broke down the pallet for this project. It took way longer than expected. We decided to remove some of the bottom boards because it would stick out 5 inches from the wall if we left it as is. Once that was complete it was time to sand the wood and stain it. The staining process was super easy and quick, just make sure you follow the directions on the can. I only needed one coat of the stain and then sealed it with  Varathane clear sealer.

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My original plan was to paint a witty coffee quote along the top but was having a heck of a time trying to figure out how to transfer my quote to paint it. I tried the freezer paper method and my printer didn’t like that so I decided to buy the letters and found the amazing metal ones at Walmart for $1.97 each. To attach them to the wood I just used a bit of super glue. After I had the letters on I realized it needed a little something more so I painted a coffee mug on the one side.

The next step was to attach the hooks. It took a few minutes to figure out exactly where I wanted to place them. Once I had them in place out my hubby screwed them in. All that was left was figuring out how we were going to hang it up. I sent my husband to the hardware store for that task and he came home with a “Professional French Cleat”. It was very easy to install and even has a built in level to make sure it goes on nice and straight.

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I can’t tell you how excited I was to see it up on the wall. I chose some of my favourite mugs to display over our coffee bar. I have an ever growing collection so I am sure there will be a mug rotation ;).

~Jennifer

Why the guilt?

For my friends birthday this year we met up at a local rib fest. I was right in the middle of my Whole30 journey and had it in my head what I would eat while I was there. I should have had a snack or even ate dinner at home but I wanted to be with my friends for supper so I waited. The year prior I had seen people wandering around with turkey legs that appeared to be smoked with some seasoning on them. I had it in my mind that this is what I was going to get.. no sugary BBQ sauces for this gal! My friends and I were off to find the Turkey leg vendor and once I opened my take out container I was shocked to see this BBQ sauce smothered turkey leg staring at me. I found myself feeling upset. I was starving and everyone around me was enjoying all the things that I couldn’t. At first I tried to scrape off and pick around the sauce but I eventually just gave up and ate as much as I could. Something happened to me at that moment.. I felt an extreme sense of guilt and was disappointed in myself.

guilt

I know it seems a little silly but for me it felt like a huge fail. I was doing so well and was on plan 100% and here it was.. in this moment with a turkey leg I felt defeated. It took me awhile to realize that this is going to be my reality when it comes to food. It may not be the issue with sugar but something else next time. I just need to learn to not be so hard on myself and keep moving forward. One delicious turkey leg smothered in BBQ sauce should not be the thing that defeats me.

This journey has taught me a lot about myself, my relationship with food and how it affects my every day life. So many people feel trapped by food, like they have no control over their choices. I can tell you that I am defiantly an emotional and stress eater and if you knew me outside of internet land you would know exactly why. Over the last few months I have realized that as much as I want to lose weight that isn’t the motivating factor of this journey. It is actually learning how to live a less stressful life so that I can be a happier, healthier person in all aspects.

~Jennifer